View Single Post
  #5  
Old 09-18-2012, 09:16 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,093
Default

So, here is a list of our current boundaries. The one which is not in the list (not really sure why-maybe because it was a family agreement and we simply carried it over) is the phone/cell/interruption thing. The agreement was designed to ensure that we are fully present during our family time-but we've carried over regarding date times as well. When I was struggling with intense anxiety attacks, the sound of the cell phone ringing was one of the triggers. So we also added our bedtime as one we don't keep the phones in our room OR we ensure they are silenced if they are in there.

It should be noted-we do ensure that we each ahve time to text/call others before and after dates and before bed so that those people aren't "left out in the cold".


Ok, for clarification-we defined certain terms for our benefit. Other people use other definitions-which is fine. But, for OUR relationship, these terms have the following definitions:

Acquaintance-a person whom you have met but don't know very well.

Friend-someone you know well who has already met us and is accepted as a friend by the rest of us.

Potential-someone you are interested in pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship with.

FWB-someone who has been established as a friend whom you now will add a romantic or sexual relationship with on a part time basis. (there are other details but not really pertinent for anyone but us)

BF/GF-committed, established dating relationship.

OSO/life partner-someone whose been a bf/gf for at least a year and whom you have agreed (with them) on a desire for a long term, committed relationship and being "part of the family".

Romantic date-anything that includes romantic overtures (flowers, sex, other details we've personally established include specific venues we reserve for romantic dates)


Boundaries based upon relationship type:

Acquaintance-
Only communicate through the venue that you met through & email/text.
Talk with SO before extending to meeting in another venue.

Friends-
*They’ve already met your SO!!
May see 2-3 times a week
Coffee/lunch social times are ok, but no romantic dates.
With SO permission, invites to family times are ok.
SO is ALWAYS welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in a group, we remain coupled with our SO.
NO: kissing, caressing, cuddling, fondling, making out, sex, naked or sexual photos, personalized sex talk, cybersex.
Touching of any kind should be greatly limited.

Potentials-

*Already OK’d by SO!!
May see 1-2 times per week.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok
With SO permission, invites to family times ok.
SO always welcome to join anytime!
Anytime in a group, we remain coupled with our SO.
NO: fondling, making out, sex, cybersex.
Ok to kiss, cuddle, caress, hold hands, personalized sex talk.
Physical affection in front of SO is very limited and with discretion.


Friend With Benefits-
*Already ok’d by SO!
May see 2-3 times a week.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok.
With SO permission, invite to family time ok.
SO welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in group, we remain coupled with SO.
Physical affection limited in front of SO with discretion.

BF/GF-
*Already ok’d by SO
May see 3-4 times a week.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok.
With SO permission, invite to family time ok.
SO welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in group, we remain coupled with SO.
Physical affection limited in front of SO with discretion.

OSO-Life Partner-
*Already ok’d by SO
Functions well with household and family.
May see anytime available.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok.
Assumed part of family.
SO welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in group, we remain coupled with SO.
Physical affection limited in front of SO with discretion.


*Notice-the tightest restraints are on potentials.

BOUNDARIES REGARDING ALL PARTNER TYPES-

1. Anal sex/play of anytime is reserved for the two of us. Neither of us will participate in this activity with any other partners.

2. Overnights w/others will be limited to bf/gf or OSOs and ONLY for special occasions or when our SO is unavailable AND our SO has agreed to it.

3. Invites to others to participate in family activities/family time with always be discussed with SO in advance until such time as SO agrees that the person is “always welcome” like family.

4. Our relationship takes priority, therefore we will not have romantic dates with others during any week we are unable to have our romantic date.

5. Regardless of relationship type, we will always remain partnered with our SO when in a group situation unless special arrangements were made with SO in advance.

6. Personal info (including sexual preferences, interests, activities, suggestive, sexual or naked pics, etc) about either of us will not be shared with other partners without our EXPLICIT permission. We also will ensure that this information is not given to each other about our other partners without their permission AND our permission to one another (ie don’t tell me if I don’t ask AND they haven’t said it’s ok).

7. Loyalty to one another in our conversations will be kept by claiming all decisions we make as a couple as our own, not allowing our other partners to think that our SO is at “fault” for our joint decisions and agreements.

8. Nudity (or partial nudity beyond what is acceptable in normal public venues) during activities (such as hot tubs, beach, hanging out) will be limited to FWB, BF/GF or OSOs.

9. No other partners will be allowed to use our personal shower or our purple towels. Showering with other partners will be limited to FWB, BF/GF or OSOs AND only when SO is not present.

10. We reserve our personal rooms as our own and will not allow other partners to enter SO’s personal room.

11. Our room is reserved for only us. No other partners will be invited to use it.

12. No sexual activity beyond a kiss is acceptable in our home if both of us are home.

13. STD testing done by self and new person, prior to adding a new sexual partner & every 6 months. Protection will be used with all other partners during sexual activities. Long term, poly-fi relationships can request exception to the protection rule.

14. No new people will be introduced to extended family or friends w/o SO agreeing in advance.

15. We will not use recreational drugs or drink more than “a light buzz” unless we are with SO.

16. We agree to re-address boundaries every 3 months to be sure that they are meeting our needs. We agree to re-address boundaries if an OSO moves into the home.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote