I confronted my wife almost immediately. We were alone, in our house, and I just broke down in tears. Everything that I have been battling, all the emotions along with this devastating discovery absolutely destroyed me. She started crying as well. She said that she "missed me" and that she wasn't looking to find anything, it just happened. That her new best friend just provided her with the connection she had been missing from me. She said it started very slow and just grew into something more. She said she wasn’t looking for it, it just happened. What bothered me though was that a month earlier I asked her if we were "ok" and that I felt disconnected. She assured me that we were fine. She later says that I had previously told her that I couldn’t handle any more stress in my life, and that she couldn't bare putting more stress on me after hearing that, and that's why she said that we were good.
At first I wanted a divorce. She cheated on me, and there is no excuse for that. I am a good looking guy, I have been flat out propositioned a lot throughout our marriage, I have never cheated on her. She’s beautiful, and she can have almost anyone she wants as well. Which always made me feel good about us sacrificing “playing the field” because we were in it together I guess? It was fair, and even, and worth the sacrifice by far. Like I said earlier though, we have great communication, and part of that is being able to always put ourselves objectively in the other person's position despite our own perspective and motivations. And we absolutely don’t play games or try to manipulate each other. We’re very fair. With that said, I admitted that I have neglected her needs. Perhaps it would have happened anyway no matter how perfect our life’s circumstances had been because of her curiosity of being with a girl…But I admitted that I am partially to blame, regardless.
After two days of thought I decided what I am going to do with the situation. My wife tells her best friend in the meantime that they need time apart and she needs to work on her marriage. That she has been neglecting me. As much as I appreciate her loyalty, I love my wife, and I feel horrible that she has to lose her best friend through this. This person who she constantly told me has been the greatest friend she's ever had. I feel guilty, can you believe that? "I" feel guilty. I want her to be able to keep her best friend, but continue to work on us and stop their romantic relationship. She agrees, and is very grateful for my selflessness. (maybe stupidity – because at the time, I really just wanted her out of our life.) The challenge though is that her best friend doesn’t know that I have “caught” them. If she knew that I knew what they have been doing, she would be completely weird or (more likely) run for the hills and never talk to us again out of guilt and embarrassment. (Again, remember, we’re not dealing with someone that can deal with drama and more importantly communicate…she’s rather just run.)
During the discussion of how we're going to move on I naturally ask if she's "into girls" and that I maybe just never knew. She says that she isn't, and that it was just a connection thing between the two of them. She goes on to say though that she's been "curious" about a sexual experience with another girl but never felt comfortable suggesting a threesome.
The threesome suggested...
Threesome?! My ears perk up. My ears perk up not because of the typical guy fantasy though...My ears perk up because I am being offered an opportunity to be with the woman that I have been obsessed about for months. I also am wondering if this will sort of "even the score" somehow and help us move on in a weird way. I openly explain both of these feelings with my wife. We’re pretty open about all of our feelings. At this point btw I have already told my wife during these past few days that part of how I understood how this happened was because that I also fell hard for her best friend. And that I have been dealing with it with great difficulty for the past month and a half. I'm interested in the threesome, and we decide to let me think about it. We decided however that after all this we need a weekend away. We need a time for us. We decide to go downtown, get a hotel room, and enjoy the city and reconnect. Throughout our time away however this discussion gets brought up occasionally about the threesome and my wife is getting noticeably turned on by the idea. This, as a result, is turning me on. We have great sex all weekend and just enjoy our time away. In the end, after a lot of careful thought, we decide to try it.
I’m nervous. I just spent the last couple of months trying to NOT think of this girl like that. In any case, we’re going to try it, but we still need to ask my wife's best friend if she is interested though. My wife proposes the threesome to her and after two weeks of thought, she decides that she'll do it as well, but she says it's really for my wife--to let her fulfill her fantasy.
We didn't decide when and where and how. We just knew we were all "in" for if it ever presented itself. Well, it happens. We get back to our house, we do a shot, and my wife's best friend spills on herself and says "fuck it", and takes her shirt off. My wife and I laugh and she says "why am I the only one with my shirt off??", my wife and I both take our shirts off as well. Well, it doesn't take long before we're all over each other. We move to the floor in the other room and we're all naked soon enough. The only challenge is that I am having an incredibly difficult time getting hard. The whole experience seems surreal and all these thoughts of the two of them together are flooding my head. To make matters worse, I exercised till I was ready to collapse earlier that day, we absolutely pigged out at dinner an hour before, and we have been doing shots like crazy all night. I'm nervous, and I can't perform. It's mortifying for me.
Regardless, the girls are well taken care of and the whole thing goes on for over two hours even with me being kind of in and out of being hard.
Flash forward months later to now our ninth time...
I STILL cannot perform. I cannot maintain an erection with this girl. It just fades as we get more into it. I have NEVER had this problem before, not in the least. I’m mentally there, but sub-consciously something is still not right. I have all these mixed feelings and it doesn't help that her attention is mostly on my wife. Actually, I take that back, I was able to perform once like normal out of the NINE times (I think it was like the seventh time we did it) and I was actually so annoyed at first at the fact that I felt no connection from this girl still that I was going to walk away. In almost that moment, she showed me attention and started touching and kissing me. For whatever reason, she hardly touches me. It’s weird, she roughly yanks on my dick like she’s trying to start a fire in my pants, but without lubrication or when it’s wet (maybe her lack of experience?) and it’s sometimes painful instead of pleasurable, but she hardly gives me any other physical attention unless I initiate it. I actually have had to grab her hands and put them on my several times. Teaching her would only make her feel uncomfortable though. She’d get immediately get defensive. THIS time however, it was only then, when she gave me physical attention and showed desire for ME and not just my wife, that I was able to STAY into it. (I have always been able to get hard in our past threesomes, initially, but the moment I go to insert I would just "lose it" often in previous attempts) Not this time. This time I am able to stay into it. Somehow, I feel wanted and I don’t feel pressured. We go for three hours and about half that time I am taking turns doing both of them. They love it, I love it, and I am burning more calories than any work out I have ever done! LOL! I came three times, pretty much without stopping. It was fantastic, and how it should have been since the beginning.
(continued in next post...)