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Old 09-18-2012, 04:14 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
If you’re kinky, have you found that kink levels decrease as you get closer/cuddly/more emotionally intimate? Or is it more of a “wax and wane” over the course of time?
I find that I can only be kinky with someone I trust absolutely. That means that my kink level will increase as I get closer/cuddly/more intimate. With a new partner, I'll be vanilla. I don't know them enough, I don't trust them enough to be that vulnerable with them, and on the flipside, don't trust that I can deal with them being vulnerable when I don't know enough about them to treat them the way that will be most enjoyable for both of us.


Quote:
Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
Is it often the case that when you meet new sexual partners you direct more extreme sexual behaviour towards them and away from the primary relationship?
No.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
Does NRE with others generally lead to less sex between primaries?
NRE makes me more aroused, more affectionate, and more in love with my existing partner(s). It leads to either more sex or more cuddling, depending on the mood.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
If you’re into BDSM play, do you have any restrictions on BDSM with others, or does everything go?
This would be decided on a partner per partner basis. One of us meets someone, is interested in pursuing it, we discuss what would be happening and see if everyone is fine with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
If you’re into D/S play, how do you manage this with having an extremely equal relationship in all other ways? Sometimes it’s hard for either of us to let the other take control because we’re so equal in all other arenas, and both extremely independent people… it’s almost like it’s easier with someone you’re not in such a close partnership with, I’m wondering if others can relate.
We're both switches, so we just adapt to one another, which we do in other areas of our lives. It seems very natural to us, one of us will feel very dominant or submissive, the other will fill in the other role. We've never both craved the same position at the same time so far. If we did, I guess we'd find a way to alternate so we both get ours in the end.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
Do you get jealous if your primary does something sexually with another partner you crave and hasn’t happened in a while? Do you talk about it, and how do you do this without them feeling you’re pressuring them into a certain sex act? Or do you just tell yourself it's none of your business because every relationship is different, and you’re glad he’s having fun?
That has never happened. I think I would probably feel inadequate if he refused me something but did it with someone else, I would think I did something wrong. Then we'd have to discuss it, to see why the situation is different, and if it's something I can change or not. If it is, I would decide based on whether I feel the change is worth the sex act or not.

Actually, after typing this, I guess it has happened. While I was away for six months, he had sex with another woman, which I guess would count as something I craved that hadn't happened in a while. However, I wasn't jealous or upset, as the distance was not his fault and in no way did he reject me or anything like that. I would find it cruel to tell him he can't have sex with others while I'm away, I wouldn't gain anything from it and it would leave both of us bitter.
I was happy he was having fun, and looking forward to being back.
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