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Old 09-17-2012, 08:48 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,898
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You have to go at the speed of the slowest. If that is you, don't feel bad about that. *hug*

It is what it is.

We wouldn't yell at grandma being behind if this where about physical things right? People should not yell at you because this is about emotional things.

You feel what you feel when you feel it. You can't help that or choose it. Rain is rain. Sun is sun. Internal weather is internal weather. You can only choose how you behave in response to the emotion -- react or act with intent.

I think choosing to take a time out to think hard and make a plan is sensible.

So basically you try identify these feelings and the triggers. List possible solutions.

Next you have to be open to the trigger situation that dings ya and you feel the thing.

Then you can GET TO TRY one of your practice behavior choices IN ACTION and see how that plays out. Was that better? Worse? Work in progress?

You assess, then try again. Baby steps.
Quote:

I want to talk as a group, but I have a terrible time with it. It's hard for me. I don't like letting others down or them getting angry/upset with me. I know it's a part of life but I tend to beat myself up over things. I know I have to learn to not let others dictate how I feel and I am working on that. Plus, with everyone's schedules there isn't a whole lot of time where we are all home together. I know that isn't an excuse though.

Well, that's one of your things then. Communication and growing comfortable letting OTHERS hold their own baggage. So WHAT if they feel whatever it is? So long as you are not behaving in a terrible way at them? You are firm and polite? Then it is on them to sort out and come to terms with. Just like you are trying to own and sort out your own stuff.

Your polypeople can be supportive and encouraging but they cannot do the work FOR you. Just like YOU cannot do the work for THEM if they feel whatever when they hear what you have to say.

You still have the right to be heard in your polyship. In my universe?
  • You are RESPONSIBLE for knowing and stating your wants, needs, and limits.

People cannot be mind readers, and they have the right to full information before making decisions.

Take it one thing at a time.

GL!
GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-18-2012 at 12:15 AM.
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