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Old 09-17-2012, 12:39 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,393

If you’re kinky, have you found that kink levels decrease as you get closer/cuddly/more emotionally intimate? Or is it more of a “wax and wane” over the course of time?

I am not the kinky one in my longest term relationship (my husband is kinky but mono) BUT I am the poly one. My sex life has honestly waned with my husband due to his demands of kink in order to be able to perform sexually. I try and play with him a bit but it is extremely hard for me. We are miss matched in this dept and we have been since day one. But I have been clear on my stance since dating with DH. He thought he could live without kink apparently he can not.

With my boyfriend things get deeper and deeper emotionally and sexually. But he is vanilla like me. We have a very active passionate sex life. Since we have fallen in love the sex has evolved into something amazing.

Is it often the case that when you meet new sexual partners you direct more extreme sexual behaviour towards them and away from the primary relationship?

If you are talking about BDSM. No I am so not into BDSM.

Does NRE with others generally lead to less sex between primaries?

Unfortunately in my case yes. My husband has seriously pushed me away with his BDSM demands. I can not meet his demands. It makes me feel disgusting, dirty, used, and objectified. I wish we could have the type of sex life my bf M and I have. We did years ago when he could meet me halfway and respect my boundaries.

If you’re into BDSM play, do you have any restrictions on BDSM with others, or does everything go?

This doesn't apply to me. If my husband could/would find a play partner as long as he was happy and safe he has my permission to do whatever he wanted.

Do you get jealous if your primary does something sexually with another partner you crave and hasn’t happened in a while? Do you talk about it, and how do you do this without them feeling you’re pressuring them into a certain sex act? Or do you just tell yourself it's none of your business because every relationship is different, and you’re glad he’s having fun?

I am sure my husband gets jealous of what I have with M. I do not like share the intimate details of what goes on between M and myself with my husband. I do not want to hurt my husband. He kind of finds it a turn on... I like to treat my relationships are separate but equal.
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