POSSIBLE TECHNIQUE: HOW TO GET ME OUT OF EMOTIONAL FLOODING RECURSIVE LOOP
So after all that, I was talking to DH over the week. The Saturday after it happened (9/8) and then again today (9/16). We kicked it around a bit and just to have it on digital paper so we remember... here's the plan to try.
Let's call it "During Care" for an emotional flooding episode.
1) Be firm, loud, stern in voice tone.
- I have to be able to hear you over the loud inside my head.
- Talk like a top, dude!
2) Make arm gestures, wave chicken -- anything VISUAL to get my attention.
- Basically the "HEY! I'm over HERE!" thing in audio and visual.
- Could try "Give me your eyes" like we used to do with toddler kid.
3) See me. Validate my upset. Figure out where I am. HERE is where you can change to duringcare voice that is gentler.
- I see you. There you are!
- I see you are upset. I see you might be flooding. Are you flooding?
- What color?
4) Tell me how YOU feel and why. Use "I" statements. Give me direction tether. You are helping to land a runaway kite. (I'm already in here, don't tell me how I feel. That gives me nothing to fly toward -- just keeps me hanging in the stuck)
- "Come back! I feel confused. I cannot understand you flooded because there's too much info.
- "Give me 3 deeps breaths." (To chill out.)
- "Then give me your top 3 topic headers in a bullet list. Can you try?" (To get me out of the whirling headthink.)
5) 15-20 Minute Valley / Bucket Checks
- You are safe. Do you want me to hold you? There, there.
- I am listening. Give me your buckets. What color?
That kind of talk. Count backwards. Have me report. We need to learn this headspace to solve it.
6) Try again to cover it or just schedule bookmark appt
- Depends on situation which way to go. Ask.
- "What was your original goal to express before the flood? Can you fill in some of those header topics now? Or bookmark for later?
DH -- Let's try that and see how it flies. Thanks for bearing with me.