Hello everyone I thought I'd update you. Its been since June I posted and much has happened.
My guys' wife moved back in with him and I didnt hear from him for months. It had been the worst 3 months of my life, I was severly depressed and was just coming out of my fog with some confidence, healing and a little bit of sunshine on the way. He contacted me and OUr contact was sparse at first. he posted with one of his avatars that "I was the meaning of life". I didnt put him back on my skype or IM's and continued to stay open to other relationships. I had been on a date or 2. I had another friend try to get closer but he was too bristly and I pulled back (thats another story). But it deepened between my guy and I at end of July, he asked me to reconcile and be his partner, and that he was going to get a divorce as she could not do poly. I was hesitant and went very slow. I told him it would work best if he rode in on a whitehorse and picked me up. I felt wary at the impending tumult that might occur at falling back in his arms while he navigated a painful divorce.
Anyway, things progressed, and I couldnt fight it anymore and our intimacy deepened while he is managing the break. I am still open to poly but not with her as I know its not for her. It is very difficult because we are still far away, it doesnt make sense for me to join him until he's navigated through the worst. They still live together in a 1 bedroom apt and even sleep in the same bed
He said they cannot afford another apt. They havent told the 2 adult kids of teenager yet (the kids all live 1000 miles away from them). She said he had to tell them himself... So he is dreading telling them alone.
He and his wife also do fun things together on the weekends and he has shown me photos of them out doing them (like Hiking). All in this nice town we dreamed of doing some of the same things together. It hurts and I voiced this to him last week. He said there is nothing else to do and he doesn't want to do things alone (he didnt do any of these things before she arrived).
I asked that some balance be taken when navigating between what he is leaving and where he is going to. That perhaps not showing me pictures of him/her/them would be more kind. I suggested he give me as much respect as her and not hang up the phone when someone enters the room. He got angry and said I dont understand the difficulty of his living situation or the pain he is going through while he "destroy's whats left of his soon to be old life".
With the support of a friend, I suggested perhaps he made the wrong choice, that if there is this much pain maybe she is the one he is meant to be with. He got angrier still.
I know he needs support to navigate through this part of the journey. I dont know what to do. I do love him and cherish our time together and he has been very supportive of me in my life and troubles. I would love to continue to be supportive of him but I'm not sure what I'm sacrificing here, or if this is just the price one pays to be in love with someone going through a painful divorce. any advice?