Don't waste your time feeling guilty; guilt is a useless emotion and gets you nowhere. You are mourning the loss of a long-term, meaningful relationship that had its joys as well as pain, and the grief is understandable. I would think M. would have some compassion, no matter that she wasn't as much into J as you were. If she is not, that is rather a little cruel on her part.
If I were you, I would tell M., "I know it's hard for you to see me grieving J., but please be patient with me, as I am deeply feeling the loss and need your support. I will try not to be self-indulgent, but the feelings come and go in waves, and I never know when it will hit me. I will be as present for you as I can be, I just need your understanding as I work through this." Ain't nothin' wrong with asking for some loving kindness when you are in mourning!
Also,it's probably not a good idea to pick at your wounds by being in touch with J again. Let yourself go through theprocess and wait til you have more distance and stability within yourself before you go stirring up that pot again.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Last edited by nycindie; 09-16-2012 at 09:23 PM.