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Old 09-16-2012, 08:12 AM
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andrei andrei is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: san diego , ca
Posts: 5
Default appropriate emotional response

So here's the quick and dirty version:

Been in a wonderful open relationship for 6 years, we've had our problems (who hasn't)

But most of them centered around our 3rd , here on referred to as 'J'

She moved in and out of our lives 3 times because of her inability to be responsible, safe & most of all her lack of "openness" . Finally for the last time I grew tired of all the lies and moved her out and ended our relationship 2 months ago

After the first "reunion" my other partner 'M' communicated that she was only tolerating my relationship with 'j' out of her love for me and desire to fufill my needs & no longer wished to be romantic with her anymore

Now after ending this tainted love that on and off lasted about 5 years I am dealing with all the normal feelings one experiences after utter loss of trust in a person you're in love with (anger, depression, loss of self-esteem etc)

M & I are closer than ever now. But now I feel like I'm being unfair to her by being unhappy at all dealing with this shattering loss...I make an effort to be affectionate and loving . To show m how important she is to me & how much I appreciate the support she's giving me during this rough patch.

But I'm not the way I was before, my sex drive is dramatically reduced...trouble sleeping, eating. I'm escaping into work, school & reading not necessarily negatives but I feel like ive withdrawn to the point where I'm neglecting m's needs.

And I'm having weird manifestations of anger/frustration...can't make it through sex scenes in fiction, if any friends can't take the hint I don't want to talk about 'j' I have to physically remove myself from the conversation.

Recently in a pursuit of some "closure" or resolution to my angst ive began communicating with 'j' via electronic means...prob not the best exercise as while we have "talked" out a few things and I do feel a measure of psychological justification over the changes ive made, now I'm much more conflicted.

J has restarted her usual patterns of regretful apologies and pleadings for just one more chance. Her attempts to distract herself with other people have apparently been very unfufilling. But not only do I know that I'd never be able to trust her again but I'd never want to disrespect m that way even if my own self-confidence was low enough to submit myself to more dishonesty & negativity.

To her credit j has left us alone, just one 4am visit and a 45 min conversation in the driveway.

I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to get over the loss from other ppl whove been in similar situations...I know time heals all wounds.
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