Sorry to hear things have reached this crisis between you and your wife. It sounds like you're doing the best you can under the circumstances.
Re (from Post #7
"Are any of you self-aware polys that have chosen, for whatever reason, to suppress this side of their personality, and succeeded?"
I guess I had to suppress that for a period of time once. It wasn't easy ... but then, I didn't know as much as I do now (e.g. about the perils of NRE).
You have to be really careful about NRE; it will throw your perspective into an area that you could later regret. At least, that was my experience.
I hope you and your wife are able to work something out.