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Old 09-15-2012, 04:19 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Well, the vast majority of poly folks that I know in person are definitely "economically disenfranchised" and most have kids, so my own experiences don't mirror the author's at all.

I definitely consider myself fortunate to be able to have the relationships that I do. Part of it was happenstance, but a lot of it was hard work, and a willingness to make it succeed. "Privilege" is a very emotive word, so I am very careful in using it.

The time that I need to devote to my relationships is definitely a commodity for me - I have a very busy job where I need to be willing to work whenever they need me, without warning or being paid overtime. Sometimes this calls for accommodations in my relationships, but that is something I have to do. My "spare time" for other hobbies tends to take third place to this. So I'm really not sure whether I have any more time for my relationships than someone that is "economically disenfranchised".

I don't think that I know in person of any poly person who "mooches" off someone with money - I am guessing that this is a factor of the local demographic where the author lives.

I have met a few non-Caucasians who have self-identified as poly, but I agree that the Caucasians are the majority.

A significant number of the folks that I know in our local poly community are either LGBT or into Kink - both of these tend to be marginalizing and take them out of the mainstream. I would say that the proportion of people in these categories in the poly community is significantly higher than in the so-called "mainstream" community, so I don't share the same viewpoint as the author at all. Because I find the premise flawed, I can not agree with the conclusions.

Nearly all poly people that I know don't wrap their poly up in some sort of exotic spirituality, as the author says. They just get on with it, without trying to explain it.

On the topic of abuse and abusers - I would like to know if the rate of occurrence of this in the poly community is in any way different from that of the community at large. There are abusers in both, and I have seen no data whatsoever to indicate that polys are abusive any more than anyone else.

And the superiority is something that I am quite often trying to dispel - I don't hear it much in my local group, but the number of folks that come online and talk about how polyamory is "more evolved", or that "everyone is really poly". I try to be polite about it, but won't tolerate it. I see others doing the same thing. So while there are folks (usually newbies) who spout this stuff, the experienced poly folk don't tend to. Polyamory is absolutely not the solution to most problems - in fact, it rarely is.

I definitely have the concept of acquaintances, friends and lovers (and I will add "colleagues" into that mix too) - and while people can go from one to another, they are definitely different in my mind.

So, to close, I don't share this person's experiences with the poly communities in which I have been involved, so therefore cannot draw anything like the same conclusions. It's a shame that this person's experiences in the community have been so negative.

ETA: and I totally agree with MusicalRose, who seems to have posted at the same time as me!

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 09-15-2012 at 04:22 PM.
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