Originally Posted by dingedheart
I ran across this article today and it seem to touch on several topics that get discussed here quite frequently. http://boldlygo.co/?p=205
....Time management, veto power, abuse, enlightenment, poly superiority, appropriation, etc.
Does the author have some valid points? ....do these conditions exist in the community at large ?
I'd definitely say yes to your first question. I think your second question is more of a blanket statement and so would have to say 'not exactly'. I think my favourite paragraph from the article came near the beginning:
Most of the people Iíve had contact with in the polyamory community have been economically privileged, most of them donít have kids, some of them donít have jobs or subsist by borrowing or, for lack of a better term, mooching off of the people that they date. (To clarify, this does not mean people who live off of benefits, unemployment or any other government assistance. But, specifically, to people who are class privileged because of who they date and choose to subsist off of their partnerís monetary wealth.) I wonder, as I try and take relationship advice from these people, if their experience is really so applicable to mine. Being an immigrant, I donít have the benefit of social supports a lot of people do. I donít have parents who can bail me out. And I will never feel comfortable with relying on my partners to provide for me economically and am lucky to be in a place where I donít need to. Yet, most poly people refuse to acknowledge their privileges in this context or they give relationship advice or talk about polyamory as if this is all a given when it isnít. And it gives people unrealistic expectations.
That one really rang a bell with me, particularly the very first line:
"Most of the people Iíve had contact with in the polyamory community have been economically privileged, most of them donít have kids,"
She correctly said "most". I know some poly people who aren't economically privileged (in many senses I'd fit here) and I know some who have kids. However, I haven't seen any poly people who are both economically disadvantaged -and- who have kids. And as to myself, I may identify as poly, but I've never actually dated 2 women at the same time in the physical world (the online world is nice but it's not exactly the same thing). While I've received some vague, rather lukewarm objections to this assertion in the past, I've personally found that in general, this type of thing requires that a guy has to have a decent amount of income; enough to be able to make a decent contribution to his partners wellbeing; whether it's regarlarly sharing decent meals (in house or at a restaurant), accommodation, or something of this nature.