Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 09-15-2012, 01:36 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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I am feeling very lonely and fragile tonight. I don't know how to deal with my sadness.

It's really hard being involved with someone who is already married, even if I am married myself. I know my lover has so much going on in his life right now but it is still difficult to deal with. We used to talk very day for hours... now it's maybe an hour a day of emailing back and forth casually, and he is usually multitasking to boot. No chance of Skype or telephone calls right now. It hurts, and I really don't know how to deal with it.

Right now, my lover has worries about his wife's health, on top of a recent promotion at work that has significant additional responsibilities and required time, plus an extensive home renovation project that he is mostly doing alone. And his other girlfriend is very needy and demanding of his time, so there isn't much left for me. He warned me that this month would be tough, but I didn't realize it was going to be as hard on me as it has been.

I feel like I am only getting the scraps, and really, I am. But how can I ask for more when I know he really doesn't have any more to give right now? He has no free time for himself at all and I know the pressures are really getting to him. The last thing I want is to be more of a burden on him. I have been trying so hard to be supportive of him but I am lonely and it hurts so much. The long distance things is also making it tough because we see each other in person so rarely and it's much easier for him to find an hour or two to see his local girlfriend and have no time to see me since I am three hours away. I feel like we need that intimate connection of at least talking since we can't see each other and I'm not getting what I need.

I know he loves me, and intellectually I know the answer is probably that I just have to tough through the rest of this month and then see how things go, but emotionally it is really hurting me. And we have promised total honesty with each other but I feel like telling him how I feel about all this would only hurt him and to no good purpose since he can't change anything.

I don't know what I am going to do if nothing changes in October. Some things will be done, but if his wife's health deteriorates obviously things will be different, as they should be. But where will that leave my relationship with him? I love him so much, but I'm hurting. Useful comments and advice are always appreciated.
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