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Old 09-14-2012, 09:20 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 251

Thanks for taking the time to post, nycindie! I always value what you have to say.

I have talked to her, and she has agreed to be more conscientious about what she says and how she says it. I told her that being so possessive, especially regarding my relationship with Fly, makes me uncomfortable and that when she says those things I don't want to be around her. I think she understands now that speaking that way only damages our relationship.

I have a feeling, too, that some of it is like a child, pushing boundaries to see where the line is drawn. I get a sense that she's unsure of where she can fit into my life and is fishing for reassurance that I love her and that she's important to me.

Some of this stems from agreements about the house that Fly and I have set. Essentially, we decided that we could not have lovers at the house in any capacity other than socially if the other partner or Kiddo is home. This basically means that Moonlight can't be at our house unless it's purely friendly, with no touching or affection, unless either both my boys are not home or if we're having a threesome (and Kiddo is not home). This hasn't been a big deal before, because there was no one I really felt the need to integrate into my daily life. Punk and I sometimes struggle for a place to have privacy, but neither of us have a desire to be all up in each other's business.

With Moonlight, it's very different. I want her to come have dinner with us, I want to be able to cuddle on the couch with her with a glass of wine and watch Rick Steves (we're dorks), I don't just want her as a lover, but as a partner and SO.

Fly and I discussed some of this last night, before I went over to Moonlight's. I hesitated a lot about asking to renegotiate, because I'm not very excited for him to have his fuck buddies and FWB's over while I'm home. I felt unfair asking for something that I don't want to extend to him. It turns out that he doesn't even want that for himself. He likes Moonlight quite a bit, and is happy to have her at the house. He just asks that we not show overt affection to each other in front of Kiddo. After Kiddo's tucked in bed, though, he said he's fine with Moonlight and I hanging out and being cuddly and kissy together.

Fly expressed some apprehension about she and I having sex in our home while he's in the house. Because we've all slept together, he wonders if he might be sad for us to be having sexy times in my room when he's not invited. He would like us to include him, at least for a while, and then would be ok with us moving into my space for couple time. I, on the other hand, think it's unbearably rude and presuming to tell my girlfriend "If you want to make love with me in my home, we have to satisfy my boyfriend first." Ewwww! No way, buddy.

After talking some more to him, and to her later, I think we're going to revisit this whole topic when Fly and I get back from vacation in November. All three of us need to give a little, and I know we can get there.

As for her problems with Punk, it's not about him personally. Honestly, I think it's more that I fell down communication-wise with her. I didn't tell her that he is a current lover, because at the time Moonlight and I got together, Punk and I hadn't even spoken for a month, and had been fizzling before that. I really believed that he and I were pretty much over, and I presented him to Moonlight as somebody I had seen in the recent past. It was only upon hearing that I have a date with him next week that she got upset - I kind of inadvertently blindsided her. To her knowledge, I was only seeing one other person (Fly), and I had agreed that I wasn't interested in pursuing new relationships. Then Punk pops up, and I backtrack in what I told her, and left her confused and misinformed. That was mostly my bad, and I realize that I should have made sure Punk and I were on the same page instead of just assuming our status based on my perceptions of his behavior. If she had told me she didn't want me to date Punk because he's Punk, that would be unacceptable. But telling me she's unhappy to discover that I hadn't been completely accurate about a current relationship doesn't bother me at all, except that now I need to regain some of the trust that I accidentally (and with the best of intentions) smudged.

Anyway, I had a lovely conversation with Fly last night about our boundaries, hopes, dreams, and ideals for our relationship, and then went over to Moonlight's house and had much the same conversation with her. We made beautiful sexy love, and then I went home at 2:30 AM and made beautiful sexy love with Fly. I'm freaking exhausted and sucking down coffee like it's air today, but with a smile on my face!

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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