Thanks for the props, RP.......Lovely......first let me state, that coming exactly from where your husband did, he never meant to hurt you or break your heart in all of this. My situation is remarkably similar to yours, and to many more out there in the real world, I'm sure. But very few of us get to try to live out our lives in this manner, I'm afraid. Too often, personal loss and tragedy follows, families uprooted, homes torn apart. It doesn't have to be that way. But of course, that's the norm in our society. Do you feel like not being normal? For the first time in my life, I do.
I had only ever been mono in my first 50 years, though growing up always had a lot of girl friends and few guys I hung out with. Straight arrow, no drugs, no experimentation of any kind, a pillar of the community.....but, circumstances changed and came together, people changed, times changed....viola! I'm living with my wife of 27 years still and her best friend of 20+ lives upstairs in our kids' old room. It's been 9 months that way now. It's difficult for each of us in some way, on some days. I'm sure worst for my wife, as she's the most possessive by nature. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, she's just the most traditional and conservative now, which is a far cry from her younger years. But it's been hard on her best friend too. She's also very mono. And also new to the dynamics of what we're trying to do.
How you describe your husband, it seems he is exactly like me, it really hit a nerve. I know this situation is not what you signed on for when you two got married. It certainly isn't where I thought I'd be after 27 years of marriage. I certainly never wanted to crush my wife's spirit like this, but.........things change. We grow, we expand, we flourish, sometimes we die. All I can tell you, is that if it's in your husband's heart and ability to love the two of you and if you still love him and your best friend, it can be a tremendously wonderful time. Yes, there are issues and problems but show me a marriage or relationship that doesn't have any, and I tell you they're lying!
If the three of you want this together and want it badly enough, it can be done. My heart goes out to you and your situation. I know I can't take back the hurt and pain I've caused my wife and I will carry that burden to my grave. I'm sure your husband will too. I hope this helps in some small way.