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Old 09-14-2012, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
She says a lot of possessive things, that I don't really mind, except that they imply she would rather I was just with her. Things like, "That pussy's mine, Fly can play with it but it belongs to me." or "If you and Fly weren't together, I would take such good care of you."
Some people like to say they own a lover's body or genitals just for sexual fun, and it really isn't anything to worry about. But her saying she would take better care of you if Fly weren't around gives me pause. I know you spoke to her and feel she won't create any ickiness, and I'm glad to also see that you will be on the lookout for any potential problems, but if I were you I would make sure to tell her not to say those kinds of things anymore. Even if she reassures you of her respect for your other relationships, those kinds of remarks are not respectful, and can be a kind of poison to you and your relationship with Fly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
She's not thrilled about my relationship with Punk either, and I can understand why from her perspective.
Eeek, she tells you this as well? If so, I would be very cautious. I can understand if someone says, "I'm not thrilled with you dating other people" in general, but I would be hopping mad if one of my lovers said anything specifically against another. That just feels so invasive and, indeed, possessive to me.

It is good that she works on her issues, but still, tread carefully!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 09-14-2012 at 03:55 PM.
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