ON MY LOVE LANGUAGE PT 2
One of our favorite Elliot and Paula exchanges is when Elliot tells Paula off.
Elliot Garfield: [climbing the stairs in the apartment building] Despite the fact that you're one large pain in the arse, last night was the best thing that ever happened to me, girl-wise, and if you weren't behaving like such a horse's rectum you would know that we could be inside touching and fondling all day long until about 5 o'clock when I gotta go to rehearsal. Personally, Madam, I think you blew it.
The stunned Paula eventually goes upstairs too and finds Elliot leaning against the wall. She grabs his scarf and leads him to the bedroom and he does some jaunty little walk like "Oo yay! Kiss and make up sex!"
Like ORE couples have never been THERE before.
But before you can go there for real, you have to have the fusspot for real. And really do clear the air and recalibrate to being in right relationship again.
Otherwise it is playing avoidy on the personal work front and doing angry sex / avoidy sex and that's just not cool. You start stacking up minuses that way and if it becomes a habit the relationship is taking dings in several buckets.
Distancing on mind intimacy.
Distancing on emotional intimacy.
Eventually distancing on physical intimacy, soul intimacy.
And that's not a relationship any more. It is a shell. You keep building avoidy untrustworthiness -- in self and partner.
And personally madam, I'm not up for blowing it on this one. Who wants to feed THAT bucket?
Love language matters. It's a warning bell to me if there's not been the usual (funny/oddball) exchanges around here. Doesn't mean we're breaking up or anything so severe -- just means something needing tending and checking in would be good.
Usually it's tired -- but even tired gone untended too long can start to drain.
Loving relationship CAN handle having Hard Conversation. It's moments of Vulnerable Shared. It's not about never having Conflict. It's about HOW you weather the storms together.
Bookmark -- the ships in the night.
Off to battle clutter boxes. Onward! Onward I say! (I need me a dead clutter horse to flog. The clutter horse is waaay too alive. )