She's right -- you CAN do that too on the other side of the equation. Tell the person what the status is here so she has her BS meter on. Who knows what he's been selling her.
You do not have to like her. But since you spouse has been so fresh to you, who knows if he's also being fresh to her.
I'm still stunned.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
You mentioned not having anyone to talk to -- If you need to vent through your process you might think about asking a mod to move this thread to the Life Stories section.
BREATHE. Hang in there!