An insightful reply. You are right about my constant search for safety, as galling as that is to admit. I hate being a slave to fears of the past. At this point, though, I am exhausted from trying to overcome those fears. I was recently prescribed an anxiolytic, an anti-psychotic, and an anti-convulsant (this last because I have seizures related to anxiety). I'm not taking any of these medicines because I fear the side effects, which are listed in the pharmacy literature, and because I want to get a second opinion. Suffice to say that I do have mood and anxiety problems on top of having zero self-esteem. If my amorous feelings are really phantoms created by my psychological issues, then it is those issues I need to deal with first and foremost. But if I truly am feeling love
- or something like it - for R, than I need to address it as such.
Does that make sense? I'm not sure if anything I say makes sense anymore :/ I feel like a crazy person.
Originally Posted by Erosa
"If she were right here, right now, and I could have
her completely with no hold backs or 'risk' to it, would I still want her?"