Originally Posted by TiredRobot
He doesn't want me to contact her and say anything as apperantly despite her offering threesomes and stuff she doesn't know anything and it is all his doing. Not quite decided how I feel about that. Feels like he is protecting her and wants to wrap it all up and away. Still think about contacting her or asking to read their messaging history to get an insight into what actually happened but not decided whether this is a good thing or not either.
Nobody gets to tell me whom I can and cannot speak to. You are your own person, he's not your boss. Are you sure he doesn't want you to speak to her because he told her one thing and you something else, and doesn't want you to out him?
I see no reason not to contact her. If he wants to be involved with her, and she is poly and open to such things, she would probably be able to handle a simple thing like a conversation with you. It is affecting you, so go ahead and call her!
However, I wouldn't just use the opportunity to be mean -- she may not know what the hell he's been up to and might even have been told that you have consented.
I would say to her: "I am aware you and my husband are attracted to each other, but I want you to know I have not and will not consent to any type of poly or open arrangement. Any involvement he has with you would be cheating, and will further disrupt his responsibilities as a husband and father. Therefore I am requesting that you leave him alone and let us attend to our relationship without interference. His family needs his attention here. I wish you no ill will and hope that you will respect my request."