View Single Post
Old 09-14-2012, 11:20 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

One should never agree to things that one doesn't actually want to agree with. We only set ourselves up for misery when we do that, especially when we know those things will make us unhappy. You need to talk this over more, hash it all out, and come to a compromise. What the heck made you go along with that?

I have a few questions, which will hopefully prod some thinking for you and also help us help you, if you can answer them.

It sounds like you have many lovers, asked one to marry you, and felt like you had to agree to monogamy in order for her to say yes - but why? Why would marriage make her want to switch from poly to mono? Do you think she was basically unhappy with poly all along and saw marriage as an opportunity to make that all go away? Or might she somehow feel some sense of shame or impropriety or something that would make marrying and remaining poly impossible for her? What was the reasoning she gave for wanting monogamy?

Why does the love you feel for this person eclipse the love you have for yourself and your others to such degree that you have to put yourself in so much pain? Did it feel like were you given an ultimatum? What prompted you to ask this woman to marry you in the first place?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 09-14-2012 at 12:26 PM.
Reply With Quote