I do value my marriage, greatly. And of course we all do need to grow up and take responsibility for our actions, but it isn't always so simple. There are kids involved, and L has made it clear that his relationship isn't that strong right now. He's afraid that his partner (they aren't married, not that that matters much) would take his daughter and prevent him from seeing her and being the father he wants to be. Yeah, I know, he should have thought of that before he and I did what we did, but I've already admitted we made a mistake there.
Coming clean needs to be done carefully and with a full understanding of who's needs are being met by coming clean. Am I doing it so I feel better? Or to move my cause for L and my relationship to be in the open forward? Or am I doing it because people need to know the truth? Even if that truth would hurt? I do think my guy would be able to handle it and forgive me. I'm not certain about L's situation .... and I do care about his situation.