Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
My suggestions. Deal with things in order. Order of what's your responsibility, order of what could ruin your life if you don't manage it right, what you can theoretically control, and order of importance.
Bottom line, you can't have your cake and eat it too, and the fallout could be so much worse, in so many ways, including perception of you in your small town, if you let self-interest continue to guide you over doing what's fair for all involved.
I like how harsh everyone is in this forum, and yet so supportive. I need this. Thank you for breaking it down for me, Annabel. I think I was lost in my head and my heart, not accustomed to having feelings for anyone other than my husband, that it all caught me (and L) off guard. We acted before we thought about it, I guess to see if it was real. We haven't slept with each other, I have to say, but the betrayal is the same.
I guess I looked to poly to somehow justify what I was feeling and try to put myself in a different category than your average cheater. But I see now, that while you are all supportive of ethical multiple relationships, what I did was not ethical. I was just your average cheater - in a small town no less.
I am actively not seeing L or even speaking to him right now. I am determined that nothing else will happen. I was holding on to a hope that there was still hope for this to be above board, but I see now that to do that requires coming clean about the past, which would very likely prevent anything of a future for L and I. I won't pretend that doesn't hurt - a lot - but I guess we reap what we sow.
I wonder if I will ever develop feelings for someone else, if I really have poly tendencies, or if this was just a twisted justification for falling for L. I do still adore my husband, and have strong feelings for him, and am still committed.
I guess we will see what the future brings ...