Originally Posted by lolalondon
So... these honest, outspoken people couldn't come out and honestly/outspokenly told you the truth...
You raise a good point. Maybe I'm wrong about their not wanting me there and using R as an excuse. Maybe they did just not want to foment conflict between me and R. It seemed strange to me that such a thing would be decided by them with so little actual discussion with me, but it's my own fault for not asserting my wishes at the time.
I do wish I could just ask M what is actually the situation, but like I said earlier: I'm not going to add to her stress by asking her to deal with me and my hangups right now. At this point, there is no good scenario in which I actually go to the wedding. So I can ask her about it when they get back from their honeymoon. Or not -- I can just let it slide and know that this particular situation will never arise again...at least not with her.
I know that I have a very passive communication style. I really am trying to grow into a more assertive communicator. R is exceptionally aggressive. This sometimes makes communication challenging. But hopefully we have another 40 or 50 years together to work on it!
As for the wedding gift: They registered for some steak knives. PERFECT.