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Old 09-13-2012, 03:58 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by RickX View Post
1. Is this a crazy idea, that is being involved with a married woman? Should I give it a try, having a monogamous programming since childhood? I really like her.
Crazy? No. Difficult? Yes. Regarding your monogamous programming, how good are you at shedding other society- or parental-ingrained ideas? Have you gone through any processes to find your own religious or political beliefs? Or do you pretty much follow what you were raised with? It's not that one is right and one is wrong, by the way, it just speaks to how able you may be to see past your monogamous programming. If you really like her, it might be worth trying.

2. How do I know that she is not cheating or that they are really in a consensual non monogamous relationship?
As others have said, meet (or at least talk to) the husband.

3. Perhaps, part of my concern is the awkward feeling, like, will i get into trouble in dating her? I mean legally or getting into trouble with her partner
Again, meeting her partner is part of this, but legal trouble, at least for dating, is unlikely (does depend on your location, though). How many cheaters would be in legal trouble if that were the case?!

4. Are there guidelines or etiquette for dating a married poly woman? any links or references or experiences or advices?
Ummm...I'm a married woman with a husband and a boyfriend. In my experience, it's hard. You have to REALLY want a relationship with this person and be willing to do extra work beyond the normal relationship efforts to be successful. But, for the right person, it's totally worth it.

5. If ever I could pull this off right, what are the chances this will work? Any cases or similar situations you know of? I mean Im a single guy and they are a married couple. My objective is to make this into a long term relationship if possible, not just a fling.
Like LovingRadiance, my boyfriend is a life-partner. It is possible. Now the chances of achieving that? Probably about the same as turning any other date into a long-term relationship. Every relationship has its issues and difficulties, so I don't think her being a married poly woman is an insurmountable obstacle unless one of you (which includes you, her, or her husband, at this point) make it so.

And I'll second what Annabel said- you may want to go into this open to the idea of you having another partner sometime in the future. If, eventually, you want someone to build a home and family with, she may not be able to meet that need. One of the reasons our situation works so well is because my partner specifically does NOT want to get married again or have more kids, and he likes a LOT of alone time, so he's perfectly satisfied with what I'm able to give him. Not everyone would be, though.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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