To hear "hey let's not rush to mix the kids" and then quickly get asked to mix the kids feels pushy. I wonder am I speaking English?
Not a clear soft limit.
What is "too soon" to you? A year? What is too soon to DH? 3 months?
Be clearer when stating a soft limit and some of this headache will go away.
"Let's not rush to mix the kids too soon. Let's give it 3 mos and then talk and assess if we're ready to mix or want to extend it out a bit more. 3 mos work for you? We need to negotiate on that time frame for what is "too soon?" Speak now or let's roll with 3 mos." You agree on the time limit. Call it 3 mos.
THERE! That is a CLEAR soft limit. Bugging me before 3 mos? Shoo!
It's been 3 mos? Alright. Let's sit down to Big Conversation and have an assessment then.
Really must dash but I'll check back in.
Hang in there. *hugs*
BREATHE. You will be ok,