DISCLAIMER -- I have to go to work so can't read this all but just wanted to shoot you a quick response.
This reads like a journal entry. I can see you are hurting.
You have a LOT of layers of issues there.
I'm seeing people pleaser habits.
I'm seeing where you could be more assertive about knowing, stating AND enforcing your own limitations.
You ignore your own limits a lot.
I'm seeing where you could be more assertive about knowing and stating your wants and needs.
You project your feelings on to other people but don't sound like you say it OUT LOUD. "They should just know...they put me in this position... ugh! " type stuff.
I'm seeing not liking to make decisions on the spot -- but not owning that personal limitation and giving the thing the chop with a "Thanks! But too short notice for me!"
I'm seeing no confidence with conflict resolution skills -- you avoid conflict and then get grumpy later on it.
Honestly overall? You sound in need of a general check up. You seem run down. That can take time to schedule at the doc, I know.
But you also seem like a passive style person... http://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/sba/comm_style.htm
and that style no longer serves you well
because you sound stressed out -- maybe to the point of going emotionally numb/depreseed? You could think about learning to be more assertive. Stop putitng your wants and needs on the back burner. Speak up and self advocate rather than expecting others to do it for you.
Do more self care. You can decide TODAY to start behaving in ways to take back some control of your life in the areas where you can. OWN your own limitations.
- Know and state your wants, needs, and limits CLEARLY to your polypeeps. In writing or in direct speech.
Do not beat around the bush.
Do not assume, project, expect mind readering.
Just speak your truth politely and FIRMLY.
- YES, thank you.
- NO, thank you.
This is NOT being a "party pooper." This is being allowed to take up the space you take up on this Earth.
Hang in there!