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Old 09-13-2012, 12:20 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Jayehare View Post
But how do I enjoy the deliciousness of my feelings without feeling tortured when I can't act on them?
Well, geez, you have to be a grown-up, quite frankly. He's not a shiny toy being taken away and you're not a two-year-old. He and his partner are real people in a committed relationship and cheating will hurt them. We have to grow up and face the facts when we can't have what we want. The torture comes from your unwillingness to accept reality, and nothing else.

You can't always get what you want.

The trick to enjoying the feelings without acting on them is to stay present and not to let yourself feel attached to a person or those feelings. You have to be in the now to do that. Attachment is about wishing and expectation. If you can really just appreciate every moment you are with him, in the here and nowness of being there, and let go of thinking you should have him if you want him, all the unrealistic wistfulness and the daydreams of him being yours, you can enjoy being with him in the present. Basically, you have to fully be there in every present moment as if there is no tomorrow, act like it is your last moment on earth. And by letting go of the fantasies, you can see him for who he is and be his friend - a real friend who wouldn't tempt him to cheat and lie!

Look, think of it this way - you can have a delicious meal in a restaurant and wish that the wonderful taste of that bite you just took will last forever, but you know it cannot. Eventually, it will go down your throat, you will leave the restaurant, and life moves on. You can only savor it in the moment. You know you can't take the deliciousness of that bite with you, so you let yourself enjoy it right then and there. It's the same thing with a crush on someone. You don't need to act upon it to enjoy it. Let yourself feel excited and giddy, and then let it go when you've parted company. Real love is unconditional and free of pain - pain only comes from trying desperately to hold onto it.

Just be, and enjoy, BUT - and this is a biggie -- do not let yourself be deluded and seduced by the euphoric chemical reaction that is going on between you two. Just don't go there! Because you've already gone too far, and created lies for him to tell, so be very careful not to slip up some more. He simply is not free to explore this with you, no matter how tempting it is to cheat, and you need to discipline yourself and act with integrity. If you refuse to use the will power it takes to behave and act ethically, and you cannot resist indulging in flirtations, then maybe you shouldn't be around him at all.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 09-13-2012 at 01:06 AM.
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