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Old 09-12-2012, 09:00 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 247
Default All is Groovy

Life continues to be fantastic. Fly and I create such a great family and home together. Kiddo has started his new school and seems to be doing well and making friends. Fly's work situation and my work stuff still stresses me out, but it's nothing we can't handle.

Moonlight and I have had a couple more dates, including one overnight that was really beautiful. She had bought me a book of poetry, and read some to me while we were cuddled together in her bed. Such squishy gooey romance! It's one of the things I love about her, that she is such a romantic. There have been a couple red flags, though. She says a lot of possessive things, that I don't really mind, except that they imply she would rather I was just with her. Things like, "That pussy's mine, Fly can play with it but it belongs to me." or "If you and Fly weren't together, I would take such good care of you." Possessive statements on their own aren't enough to wig me out; I'm not terribly triggered by things like that. I know that I'm owned by no one, and would not stand for someone to actually treat me as a possession. It was more the idea that she and I only should belong together that made me itchy. I was uncomfortable enough to speak up (which I'm not very good at - I'm a peace-keeper, not a boat-rocker) and remind her that I love Fly, and that he's not going anywhere. That I believe in loving multiple people, and that a relationship doesn't have to be one-and-only to be wonderful and satisfying. I don't think she's a cowgirl, I think she just is comfortable in a monogamous mindset. She hastened to reassure me that she's not interested in breaking up my home, and she does behave very respectfully regarding mine and Fly's agreements. They have a friendly metamour relationship and get along sexually and socially, so I think I'm not going to worry too much about it. I trust her to honor my loves and commitments, but I'll also stay aware and curtail anything that seems to go too far in that direction.

She's not thrilled about my relationship with Punk either, and I can understand why from her perspective. When Moonlight and I met, Punk and I were on a downswing and had kind of drifted apart for a month or two. I actually sort of thought our time together had probably come to a bit of an end. He was in my list of grey-area former lovers, and to have him resurface as someone I care about and may have sex with again doesn't set well with her. I think Fly is easier for her because he is my primary and someone I have built a life with, whereas Punk is someone who is important but not present on any kind ongoing level.

I'm not the sort of poly person who needs to feel completely free to love and sleep with anyone I want. I'm happy to take my lovers' opinions and desires into consideration, and I feel like accountability and compromise is part of building and maintaining a relationship. I know sharing is not Moonlight's ideal, but I also recognize that she cares enough to work with what I throw at her, even when it's difficult. She's used to dating/sleeping with multiple people, but not loving more than one. I'm impressed that she's doing as well as she is. I'm completely prepared and happy to decide that I will not be seeking new romantic or sexual partners for the foreseeable future because I know that is what she would prefer. I'm perfectly ok with that. I just need her to be understanding and considerate of my current relationships.

All that being said, I'm excited for my movie date with Punk next week! I haven't seen him since early July, so it will be lovely to reconnect with him, both emotionally and physically. It's been fun texting frequently with him again, and I'm remembering all the reasons I enjoy spending time with him. His energy is so mellow and laid-back, that I sink into this headspace of relaxation around him.

And hey, vacation in two weeks!! I'll be in South America for over a month, visiting Uruguay, Argentina, and Brazil. Fly and Kiddo and I have all gotten our shots and received our Brazilian visas, so it's just a matter of making packing lists and finalizing things with the house-sitters and things like that. I'm uber-stoked to find the perfect souvenirs to bring back for Moonlight and Punk.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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