View Single Post
  #8  
Old 09-12-2012, 08:51 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,419
Default

Hello and welcome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdyred View Post
I have thought of the subject for some time and I do want to commit to this lifestyle.
There is, in actuality, no such thing as "this lifestyle," in any definitive sense, to commit to. Polyamory is simply the desire and ability to have more than one loving relationship, with the knowledge and full consent of everyone involved - that's it. No particular lifestyle required! Everyone embraces and lives polyamorously in their own unique ways, and you can incorporate polyamory into just about any kind of lifestyle. Basically, you can do it any which way you want, as long as you and your partners are in agreement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdyred View Post
One question I have, is it better to join an already existing family or start my own from scratch?
What exactly do you mean by "family?" Are you looking for a communal type of living arrangement, and raising kids with a bunch of people? It is not an automatic thing for polyfolk to be involved as a "family," so that term strikes me as odd, simply because it's not how I do poly. One does not need to cohabit with their partners to be/live poly. If that is what you're looking for, then it is good that you have a clear goal, but stay open to possibilities. As Annabel said, don't look for configurations to fit into; first look for people who turn you on, with whom you feel a connection, and whose company you enjoy, then see how it all fits together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdyred View Post
Should I focus on a more ordered and controlled relationships, or something more loose? What I don't want to do is get sick.
Your question is confusing to me. Are you talking about ordered/controlled or loose in terms of sexual fidelity? Or configuration, or... what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdyred View Post
I will read the sights and books, can you suggest any highlights?
See what resonates with you. You can usually see snippets online, and read reviews, of most of the books in this thread: Polyamory Books, Magazines, Websites.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 09-12-2012 at 08:58 PM.
Reply With Quote