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Old 09-12-2012, 03:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,727
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You could listen to your gut more.
  • It told you to tell her right away. You ignored it.
  • Today it told you to email her right way. You put it off.

Why? What's up with this avoidy dance?

Quote:
My gut said tell her right away. But given the boot camp, the agreement seemed fair.
Bootcamp is not a good reason to lie to K.

It was never "fair" to K. Her being in bootcamp just made it easier for you to be avoidy about doing your duty to K in being truthful. It was easier to go along with G's sugarcoating of it like you were "sparing her stress."

The woman is military and serving her country, and her people. How kind is it for her people at home lie to her? This is what she enlists/serves in military for? You and G's freedom to lie to her? Oof. Talk about disrespectful!

And again -- who are you to treat her like a baby? She's a grown person capable of making her own decisions. She's a military person for pete's sake. Sometimes having to face her own death! You think facing a cheating partner problem is somehow bigger potatoes than that?

Nope. I think you just were happy to be avoidy and find any excuse to keep on being avoidy.

So again -- wassup with this avoidy dance? I'm not trying to be mean to you. Just trying to help you see where you could improve your dealings so you don't end up here again in future. I'm sure it isn't feeling fun right now.

Quote:
Do I inform G that I'll be telling? Do I ask G to tell first and I will follow up? We are going through a move, as stated. But also coming up on a would-be-happy-reunion sexfest with K. I honestly don't think K will be nearly as upset with G as I was, but agree she deserves to know.
Let G cope with her OWN relationship to K. That is the (G + K) mini relationship inside this larger polyship.

So start at the beginning tier. That is

(your relationship to yourself)

Get that relationship -- you relating to your own self -- back on track and back in right relationship. Listen to your gut more. Strive to be more honest and forthright in your dealing with people even if it feels hard to do. Stop being avoidy.

I don't think you are proud of yourself here or you would not be posting for advice.

Take a deep breath. Decide to clean up you act. Then make yourself proud and do the right thing at long last by K.

Leave G out of it for one minute. Get YOUR OWN relationship to K back on track.

YOU TELL K.

Because in the mini relationship tier of

(You + K) in this triad <--- you lied and have hurt her.

Quote:
Regardless of the ethics of G's request for nondisclosure, I've made an agreement to her. Fair to say I need to ask her to lift the agreement before telling K? I almost sent K a long message today but refrained until I heard from you guys.
In my universe?
  • You are responsible for TELLING if keeping a confidence can hurt someone/is hurting someone.

Which is what you are doing there with G. Keeping secrets from your triad partner with lies of omission. It hurts K.

Hell, it is hurting YOU. Why else are you posting? You have a heavy heart and heavy mind on this. Why don't you listen to your gut instinct to tell and come clean? Stop hurting you. Stop hurting K.

You are NOT hurting G in being honest even if G acts out later and says you are.

G brought it down on G by cheating. G has to deal with G's emotional management then on that one.

G and you brought this down by lying. You both have to deal with your emotional management on that one.

I would tell K asap on the phone or email so she's not spending money to visit you expecting warm fuzzies and then gets slammed with this news. (Or was the plan to fuck her first and THEN slam her with the news? Do you guys treat her like a loved and cherished PERSON or like a disposable fuck THING? )

I would tell G AFTER you tell K that the cat is out of the bag.

Because historically? It appears from your post that G often manages to talk you into agreements that are not honest or kind to your other triad partner.

G. is not going to go "Yay! Let's come clean at last!" all of a sudden. If G was going to already? Would have done it already.

Expect G to be angry with you.

But do the right thing anyway. Choose to become a person of your word.

You CAN do this.

GL!

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-12-2012 at 04:22 AM.
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