You all are making sense to me!
I really don't do "clingy" well at all. If my lover is clingy and needy-my gut instinct is to run the OTHER direction-any other direction.
When they are "on top of their game" and taking care of their emotional needs, keeping themself busy and handling their own shit, then I find that VERY VERY sexy and appealing.
I think it's VERY important in ANY type of relationship that both partners really self-examine their actions/emotions to be sure that their actions back up and validate their OWN responsibility for THEIR OWN emotions.