Originally Posted by GalaGirl
How ARE your aftercare skills for each other? Are they weak? Are those holding you back on full on trust with your partner if you are in subspace? Or are you worried about yourself in topspace?
It's interesting... we're very good with aftercare, sometimes I love him belting me hard so that he can comfort me after, we've very intimate and tender and intense, it can be beautiful and comforting and exciting all at once.
I think some of my issue is that in two other LTR I had (both mono because of the men involved, never my first choice of relationship model) the sex essentially fizzled out. In the first case it was me who lost interest, in the second case it was him. But perhaps I'm overly cautions in thinking that once something shifts it's the beginning of an inevitable decline. So when the intensity and frequency of BDSM for us decreased I immediately assumed it was the beginning of the end of kink for us, panicked and became demanding, etc. etc.... of course, as soon as I relaxed he started topping happily again, I guess I just made him lose confidence?
It can be hard for me to conceive that what he does with other people has nothing to do with me (e.g. it's his thing, it's not a comment on our relationship) but I'm finally learning, and doing fine. I am also learning to led go of the idea that once something doesn't happen for a while it's somehow gone forever.
It's been really interesting to hear how other people's dynamics play out in this arena. I thought there would be more people directing sexual energy away from the relationship but seems like even after many years people still direct it mostly towards their primaries... though I wonder if that's always the case? I know I do, but don't others get worried about not being shiny new exciting fucktoy any more?