Originally Posted by GalaGirl
Let your partner deal with whatever emotion they feel as a result. This is the policy you have both agreed to, you can hold up your end of not telling too much by just invoking DADT.
Then it's on your partner to back off and not ask deeper and do their own emotional management.
What I gather from your posts is that your husband is putting it on you to do his emotional management. Thus why I quoted GG here.
My husband did the same sort of stuff.
He would ask (reasonable questions) that HE DID NOT WANT THE ANSWER TO.
For awhile I would make up the answers he wanted to hear, but lying made me nuts.
So, I started responding with "I don't believe lying is healthy in a relationship, do you want me to answer that question or not?"
A reminder for him that I wasn't going to give him a bullshit "make him feel safe" answer if he insisted on asking a question-I was going to give him the cold hard truth.
It took a few months of that for HIM to identify that he doesn't want to ask me about "how was your morning" cause the answer is going to pertain to my sex life with my bf.
But, he will now say "I hope you had a great morning". Acknowledging that he knows I was with bf and he's ok with that-just isn't into the details.
I suggest (highly) sitting him down and letting him know that monitoring his own emotions is his job and not yours-and that you aren't ok being a liar-so if he asks a question, he needs to ensure he is ready for the answer-regardless of what it may be.
IF he may not be interested in hearing the TRUE answer-then he need not ask.