Its just not the NRE-spin-off-into-ecstasy "spiritual"...it's the deep down mucky look-at-yourself-and-don't-flinch kind of spiritual, the cut-the-crap-and-meditate type of thing. At least for me. I'm really glad I've had the clarity not to run into someone else's arms through all of this.
That is being in right relationship to your SELF.
All religious or spiritual baths helps us to move toward becoming our best selves -- to ourselves, to others. It's not always easy either to execute -- putting your faith values into practice in authentic ways. Talk the talk and walk the walk.
Some of what's being said here? That's word twisting in an attempt to give "noble spiritual sounding talk" to FRESH actions. This is not them choosing to behave in a way guided by their faith beliefs so they are at their best selves in themselves, to each other, and to others (like you!)
Here are talks and walks:
- She SAID she doesn't want to break up a marriage but then ACTS how? She goes on to have affair with married dude despite meeting wife and wife not being keen. This is being fresh.
- He spends a week TALKING to you about poly and your discomfort with it. Then ACTS how? Launches his affair with her by phone secretly and makes life altering decisions without you? (ie: open marriage!) This is being fresh.
He's basically talkin' fresh to me. Don't much care about her -- you don't have any relationship to her, really. Other than she's his cheating affair partner. She's not a metamour if you did not willingly choose to Open the marriage together. You don't owe her anything - not even the basic polite due an honest metamour.
But it sounds like YOU know what you need to do and just need encouragement to get on to doing it with him and your relationship to him.
You ARE talking about your talk matching your walk and being in right relationship to yourself and to others. That is spiritual work deep within. So Shine on! Talk your talk and walk your walk so they match so you can be at peace in your soul and draw strength from that well while facing life challenges.
Call him into account and then decide what's next for this relationship. Counseling or a split. It will be what it will be.