Oh, so many waves of realization here, layers upon layers of past & future tripping. Thank you all for responding, reading, thinking about it, seeing into it.
Deep down it feels like some deep shift in my own self-awareness is occurring, something that no longer feels ok with attempting to live the fantasy, the fairytale dream...
At least he's right that it is fundamentally spiritual. Its just not the NRE-spin-off-into-ecstasy "spiritual"...it's the deep down mucky look-at-yourself-and-don't-flinch kind of spiritual, the cut-the-crap-and-meditate type of thing. At least for me. I'm really glad I've had the clarity not to run into someone else's arms through all of this.