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Old 09-10-2012, 03:56 PM
Papillon Papillon is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 22
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Hunter and I met and started seeing each other within two weeks of me starting university. Yeah, I know, pretty speedy! We sort of met in a nightclub, then again properly at a social event later the same week. He asked me out, and things developed from there.

Hunter is seven years older than me and has significantly more prior relationship experience (with both women & men). We were monogamous by default, and our relationship developed along fairly standard lines. We fell in love, we moved in together, we got cats (actually he had one cat already), and we'd been together for two & a half years when he proposed.

It then took us another three & a half years to actually get around to organising the wedding. Our ceremony was performed by a good friend, and contained a bunch of elements we'd pulled together and written ourselves (We popped into the register office two days later with a couple of witnesses to do the legal bit, but that's not what we count as our wedding day).

We were never one of those couples who weren't allowed to look at other people - we've always had conversations about people we found attractive (famous people & in real life), and we have/had a number of friends who are in open and poly relationships so it was never really a taboo subject. We talked about it on and off but never took the plunge.

I think we had two instances of major jealousy crop up over the years; from my end when a friend who had recently broken up with her boyfriend and had a crush on Hunter seemed to be trying to make a move on him and it pissed me off to the point of not wanting him to hang out with her (he rejected her advances and told me about it - this is all now in the distant past & we are still friends), and from his end when he was inexplicably concerned about my friendship with a guy on my postgraduate course at university (we were just friends and Hunter states now that he really doesn't know why he had such a problem at the time). The latter issue resolved itself when the guy I was friends with moved away after graduation.

Over the years there was the odd occasion where one or other of us stepped outside of the bounds of our relationship - mainly a few same sex kisses at parties, he went a little further with a male friend once. In all cases, we were either both there at the time or informed each other straight away afterwards, and it never caused us any problems. Even that time with him and our male friend (who incidently is poly himself, and his wife was there at the time - she thought it was hot!) didn't bother me - if you'd asked me beforehand I would have assumed it might upset me, but when it happened I just shrugged my shoulders & went 'ok, was it fun?' So I guess maybe we were never as tightly closed as all that...

We had our ups and downs and issues to work through, like any relationship, but mostly we were good, and then in mid 2010 (after ten years together, four years married) we came back to our recurring conversation about being open and decided to try it on for size. Neither of us had anyone 'waiting in the wings' and it was a mutual decision - seems we were lucky and had a far better starting point that many of the married couples who come here...
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