Originally Posted by GalaGirl
It's a D/s scene -- you AGREE to your parameters. Within this arena, you can boss me about. Or I'll boss you about.
Red flag to me. I can only let go of control with complete trust with person I know extremely well because I know they will keep it in the arena negotiated before the scene. For me, that is DH, and no other. Some things are earned.
And I'm not playing D/s scenes with an unknown variable. No fuckin' way. You can safeword out only
if the dom will respect that limit and you trust them to do it. What happens if they don't? Ack!
Thanks GalaGirl, and Anneintherain, I find this really interesting.
I think you're right Anne about the switch thing making boundaries more fuzzy - at times both of us want to be dominated but might it hard to let go, because we have so many other roles with each other. I know I can “top from the bottom” at times and be overly clear about the things I want done to me, because apart from being a sub I’m actually naturally assertive… Something I need to work on I guess, will definitely check out Fetlife.
Gala - just wanted to clarify that I'm only referring to established/safe playmates, not some new random guy with handcuffs! But when I say "someone I'm not in such a close partnership with" I mean a playmate (can be long term) who isn't a boyfriend. Someone who hasn't nursed me when I'm sick/argued about stuff with me/held my hand through emotional meltdowns/visited my parents with me/does all the day-to-day relationship stuff with. Someone who perhaps knows me in a more one-dimensional way, sexually, but might know the sexual me very well. Yet there isn't the established relationship cuddly comfort with him. Hope that makes more sense? I agree it’s very important to play safe