But in my case he doesn't want to know when I'm meeting him and I basically have to think of ulterior reasons to leave the house. He doesn't even want to know that they exist. So that's why I feel like it's deception.
It is not deception unless YOU LIE. Why bother to lie when you have a policy in place?
Don't bother to think ulterior motives. How about just saying calmly "Don't ask. Don't tell, hon." And go on your way. It is what it is.
Let your partner deal with whatever emotion they feel as a result. This is the policy you have both agreed to, you can hold up your end of not telling too much by just invoking DADT.
Then it's on your partner to back off and not ask deeper and do their own emotional management.