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Old 09-09-2012, 04:52 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,453

If you’re kinky, have you found that kink levels decrease as you get closer/cuddly/more emotionally intimate? Or is it more of a “wax and wane” over the course of time?
Wax and wane. I do not engage in edge play of the body when
  • sick
  • tired
  • upset in some fashion
  • too happy/giddy/hyper
  • time limits (do not want to rush a scene)
  • too recent since last major scene (The top or bottom "natural high" and endorphins and things need time to clear the body. Kinking on a high is no good.)

Any of those can lead to mistakes, and mistakes in kink can be disaster.

But non-kinky sex also functions on a "wax and wane" thing long term -- stuff has to happen. Work, kids, caring for aging parents, bills -- making time for sex to happen IN is always a balancing act regardless of the type of sex it is.

Is it often the case that when you meet new sexual partners you direct more extreme sexual behaviour towards them and away from the primary relationship?
You are on the NRE high with a new person -- so yah. Tempted to go at it like bunnies (frequency) because you want to keep getting the feel good hits. It's hormone brain cascade.

But "extreme" sexual behaviour? Does that mean kink stuff? NO. Some things are earned in time. I do not START there.

To want to get a double hit -- NRE high + kink high -- with a new person to me is dangerous drunk driving. Whether bottom or top -- that's a lot of hormone cascade and if I'm top -- I could get into topspace and make mistakes because I do not know my bottom well enough to "read" them right. If I'm a bottom, I could get to the "no words" point and not even be able to safeword out. And this new top might not know me well enough to know my tells.

That requires scene negotiation and ramp up time in scene intensity -- to MINIMIZE that tempatation of driving drunk and MAXIMIZE the knowing each other well to play well. I just can't see me jumping feet first with a new kink playmate to the extremest edges of where I kink play. There's not enough trust built yet for that. I want to bring someone or do phone check in/check out at start end of scene so someone else knows where I'm at with new person player.

Say the kink is bondage -- alright. Start with honor bondage the. PRETEND you are tied up. Do not move. Next time? A simple quick release on the hands perhaps -- or just one hand. Then increase from there. No way I'd allow legs -- I want to be able to walk/run/kick if I have to.

I just can't see me leaping into the deeper end of the bondage pool with predicament or suspension bondage or things on that end with some new person whose skills I do not know all alone. That's not a risk I want to take.

Does NRE with others generally lead to less sex between primaries?
Depends? How the person is managing their NRE time and balancing ORE?

If you’re into BDSM play, do you have any restrictions on BDSM with others, or does everything go?
Things are earned in time, dude. I'm not opening myself up all the way to some barely known stranger.

There's ethics to BDSM to do it well just like there's ethics to polyamory. Not everyone in BDSM or polyamory communities is there flying under honest flag colors. That's a reality.

If you’re into D/S play, how do you manage this with having an extremely equal relationship in all other ways?
It's a D/s scene -- you AGREE to your parameters. Within this arena, you can boss me about. Or I'll boss you about.

it’s almost like it’s easier with someone you’re not in such a close partnership with, I’m wondering if others can relate.
Red flag to me. I can only let go of control with complete trust with person I know extremely well because I know they will keep it in the arena negotiated before the scene. For me, that is DH, and no other. Some things are earned. And I'm not playing D/s scenes with an unknown variable. No fuckin' way. You can safeword out only if the dom will respect that limit and you trust them to do it. What happens if they don't? Ack!

Do you get jealous if your primary does something sexually with another partner you crave and hasn’t happened in a while? Do you talk about it, and how do you do this without them feeling you’re pressuring them into a certain sex act? Or do you just tell yourself it's none of your business because every relationship is different, and you’re glad he’s having fun?
If I have a want, need, limit? In my universe it is my responsibility to report. I cannot expect my partner to mind reader me.

So if the agreement with partner is that there is no TMI wall up, and we share intimate details of what's going on with other partners, and I hear about something that I want some of? I will say "Aw... me too! Can I get some sometime? That sounds fun!"

And we can negotiate that.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-09-2012 at 08:26 PM.
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