Originally Posted by nycindie
Hmm, a bit overwhelming to see things laid out like this, isn't it? Not a criticism, just seeing a chart like this has me wondering about how one can be cognizant of stuff like this, operate more safely, and yet still feel a sense of spontaneity. Nobody likes to think about shit like disease when they're about to get jiggy with someone, but we must. How to balance, in sex, the seriousness with enjoyment and fun is what I always find frustrating.
Well it is...clinical and unsexy, but I have a health care background which factors in. I wouldn't hand it out on the third date or anything, its for me & my husband. I'd just gladly share it with a partner if they wanted to see it,, or their partners were concerned about "can I trust this new person to practice safe sex?" I liken it to one of the kink checklists available that a lot of people use for negotiation. A bdsm relationship of any sort would involve using that to discuss & share interest/disinterests, and what is on and off the table - cuts down on misunderstandings, even if it makes you blush. I didn't actually end up sharing either that or this chart with my boyfriend until we were dating for awhile and he said he'd be interested in seeing them.
Truthfully, my goal isn't to operate from a sense of spontaneity at ALL. Neither my husband or I are "jump into things" sort of people (me ever, he used to be and it usually came with regrets), and even if we were, then we'd still be able to jump into INTERcourse with condoms pretty much after an STI discussion, just not fluid exchange activities. That gives us the chance to have generalized safe sex discussions early on with a partner, and save the deeper discussions/other activities for later. If I were single I'd strike out all the F/F barrier stuff, so I really do consider this a "very "sensible" safe risk limiting safe sex chart for a sexually open couple"
We had much more vague guidelines at first, but my husband's first two girlfriends had two different STI's so we decided that black and white agreements were in order after the frenzied internet searching for facts and statistics stemming from that. He also tends to date women who have 4-5 other partners at a time (including swinging and casual fuck buddies, so that impacted it too, rather mitigate risk than limit who he dates). I also have the added burden of being HSV2- when my husband is +, having a boyfriend who is - and will have to stop having sex with me if I become +, so my activities hinge on trying to reduce my
risk as much as possible, cause...I'd sure hate that to happen, I'm kinda fond of the whole sex thing myself.
I've also found knowing just what is/isn't OK within the framework of the chart can keep me from taking risks I might be tempted to otherwise, whether it be OMFG this person is so hot I want..., or OMG I had three drinks and want to %#$@ on the hood of this car here... I'm 100% responsible for what I've agreed to with that chart, so sticking to it keeps me from regretting things that otherwise I might just be stupid enough to do