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Old 09-09-2012, 08:35 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Thus, being poly, I feel I may owe it to my SO and her, to give her a chance again-because it was his fault things went the course they went AND he's done a shitload of self-work to fix his shit, claim it, correct it and clean up the fallout from it ..... I have no personal interest in developing a relationship with this young lady or her circle of friends.
Thus my quandry.
I am not prone to maintaining acquaintance relationships. I have deep, long lasting friendships, and two lovers. But, people who I am not interested in getting close to, I just don't socialize with.
But, in this case, I feel a responsibility to make an effort to develop a... Friendly acquaintance with her, for my SO and her sake. I'm not really sure how to do that. The 'rules of engagement' that I use in life, don't include that.
I wonder if he hadn't messed up, and it was just somebody he wanted to date that you didn't want to know, would you be making as much effort to extend an olive branch and get to know them?

If you don't like acquaintance relationships (and I am not fond of them at all myself) but are pretty sure she wont _ever_ be a close friend, then what comes from this attempt at friendly? Is it just to make him and her feel better, to let her realize she's an idiot for being such a bitch, or is it to take the high ground? (Not sure I'd take the high mature ground based on what you said, so good for you! I figure somebody who talks shit once to anybody but their best friends in private, may be likely to repeat the same behavior)

I have no advice, except, you don't owe her (or your SO) any more than you would if she was just a non smack talking person who wanted to be involved with your partner, that you didn't really want to have anything to do with because of personality differences.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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