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Old 09-08-2012, 07:54 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I have been thinking a lot about how people do poly differently than me. I am a tribal person. The trickle down that happens when one person in the "tribe," even in the far reaches of where the boundary is of my tribe, effects me greatly whether I like it or not. If someone does something that causes pain for another I feel it through that person, who has a relationship with that person, who has a relationship with that person who has a relationship with me. All of it comes my way. How I respond trickles back to them and everyone else.
This is how I seem to work as well. My dad's therapist isn't too happy about it, but she's not the one living here, being part of this family with everything we've experienced together. So.

I think about First Nations culture in Canada. I am no expert and really only know a bit, but I like that it is very important to surround someone in a family/nation who has struggles. The attempt to support the person through words of wisdom and love is really noble to me. Regardless of what they have done and who it has affected, the person is listened to, consulted about what they will do to make things right, encouraged to try new things, praised when they change their ways and given the well earned wisdom from their elders and family around them so that they might benefit and be given every possible chance to succeed. There are limits to how much is given and how much will be tolerated too. Its not like there is no consequence to actions, but that is the last straw and there is a huge effort to support their self journey before it gets to that point.
Very much something I want for myself in life. Learning how to see the benefits of this can be difficult for people who are used to a nuclear family structure (or a series of interlocked nuclear family structures). I had a giant extended family when I was small, though. It suddenly being just us three on this side of the pond was part of culture shock, I bet.

What you describe resembles Covey's concept of interdependence very much, and since that's also one of my values, I can consider and embrace this description of what I suspect is an idea with many names already.

Thank you.
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