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Old 09-08-2012, 07:11 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

I have been thinking a lot about how people do poly differently than me. I am a tribal person. The trickle down that happens when one person in the "tribe," even in the far reaches of where the boundary is of my tribe, effects me greatly whether I like it or not. If someone does something that causes pain for another I feel it through that person, who has a relationship with that person, who has a relationship with that person who has a relationship with me. All of it comes my way. How I respond trickles back to them and everyone else.

The positive other side of receiving those feelings from others is that I feel huge amounts of love and support also from everyone and give the same also. All of the "energy" in my "tribe" moves and shifts from person to person. If someone comes into someone's life as a partner, or out, then that shift happens also. It keeps me on my toes, it keeps me thinking about extended consideration... compassion/empathy. What I do affects people and I intend to make sure that affect is only positive if I can possibly help it. If not, then I intend to make it a learning experience that is helpful to all.

I think about First Nations culture in Canada. I am no expert and really only know a bit, but I like that it is very important to surround someone in a family/nation who has struggles. The attempt to support the person through words of wisdom and love is really noble to me. Regardless of what they have done and who it has affected, the person is listened to, consulted about what they will do to make things right, encouraged to try new things, praised when they change their ways and given the well earned wisdom from their elders and family around them so that they might benefit and be given every possible chance to succeed. There are limits to how much is given and how much will be tolerated too. Its not like there is no consequence to actions, but that is the last straw and there is a huge effort to support their self journey before it gets to that point.

I see my role in my family and how I do poly the way I have described. Its tricky when those around me in my "tribe" don't see their role as I do, but I can only encourage them to listen and understand my stance and realise that not everyone is like me nor are they as experienced as I am in poly. I can only do what is right for me and in reflection of what I value in the hope that at least it will be well received even if the person doesn't like the way I do things or doesn't agree with how my poly works.
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