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Old 09-08-2012, 12:23 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Growing up and living in high levels of privilege is often very isolating. The people around you are disconnected from what most folks think of as "normal life". The rules are very different - how you talk, what you do, even the rules of relationships and "decent behaviour". A lot of relationships are highly dysfunctional, the people highly disingenuous. If you have not experienced it personally, then it can be very hard to believe just how different it is.

Is PolyPhonic going about dealing with his current relationship the best way? No, I don't believe that he is, and I have tried to respectfully point out the things that he is doing that are problematic. Is his poly dream anything like mine? No it isn't, and I think that it is fraught with all sorts of issues and impracticalities, which I have tried to calmly and respectfully point out.

PP has some decisions to make. If he wants to build his relationships based on what I have seen of the insular nature of privilege then he isn't going to find a lot of resonance here, because not a lot of people here can relate to his situation. If he wants to try to follow the paradigms of the rest of mainstream society then he has a ton of work to do with his current relationship, and adjustments to his expectations for the future.

When we react to someone's posting, we should take a thought as to what goal we are trying to achieve by reacting that way. We have a choice - we can either help him with this, providing advice, pointing out areas of caution, and behaviours that we see from our vantage point as ethically problematic, or we can mock him, pick apart his words and judge him based on our own paradigms. Which of these two achieve any sort of change in a positive direction?

ETA: This insular nature of privileged society has nothing to do with a Caribbean island - it exists in Hollywood, New York City, Spain and quite a few other places. Most of these people do move around quite a bit, because they have property in several locations.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 09-08-2012 at 12:44 PM.
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