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Old 09-08-2012, 05:22 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353
Default Dear you (and a tangent on kindness)

We never loved in this life, and we probably won't, but we may in the next, and we do in my dreams.

This is enough to keep me happy: just the freedom to love, even if I never say so (again). And it is enough to keep me away except for the odd social occasion. But the joy I feel when I dream, and the energy that extends into my love for CdM, that amazes me. It reassures me that I'm not just looking to share a love. I'm looking to be shared as well.

I don't have to give you up to love him. I don't have to give him up to love you. I can make room in my heart for both loves.

. . .

On ethics, and why I'm being gentle this time:

I remember what it was like to learn hard lessons about privilege. My mother leaned so left she was Red and she advocated a woman's strength to the point of independence (she didn't have the language or the room for interdependence in her life). What she did not have was a grounding in the kind of concepts that the people I knew had studied. Nothing in my second-wave reading had ever taught me that, either. So I crashed and burned hard. I went through waves of my own.

Why should I do this?
Why shouldn't I do this? So reasonable!
Why should I be reasonable? I'm owed reason!
Don't we owe each other reason?
But I miss the old way of doing this!
But you're hurting others!
But I used to know how to do this!
And now I don't?
...no.

So learn.

I see this happening now.

I could have used kindness when it was happening to me.

I am going to try to show kindness now that I recognise the process in someone else.

Fight with me if you want to pick a fight. I know this poly thing pretty well by now. I've processed a lot of my shit and come to own it. Raise your hand if you never had shit to process! -- Why do I not see a room full of waving hands?

Learning how to do this at all is pretty daunting. Try to remember when it was you. In fact, look at your own damn triggers and examine whether you can even tackle the topic from a levelheaded place. I can't debate abortion rights; I can't stay calm, and my bias will always show. I have my reasons. Since I know how I'll react (i.e. RAAAAAGE) I don't get involved.

Then leave the teaching to the people who aren't going to RAAAAAGE.
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