What do you do when afraid?
The truth is that I hate myself. I hate everything about my life. I've been married for 8 years and I have a beautiful son. But I feel that I can do nothing for him or anyone else. I've been unemployed for nearly 2 years now. I'm the darkness before everything goes pitch black. I remember who I was a long time ago. I used to love going to parties and hanging out with friends all the time. I loved spending time with different people. I loved being able to love different people. That changed, I changed. I got married. I thought it was what I wanted at the time, but after only a few years I don't know anymore. There are people I have met in my life that I yearn to be close to. I can't. My wife allows nothing like that. She is as straight as they come. She says she has moral issues and also she cant handle the jealousy. I've always cared for her. She says that it's us and that's how it works. I don't know how I should feel. Part of me says I'm sick and wrong and then part of me says that its ok that I feel this way. I'm trapped either way. If I were to leave her she would go crazy and kill me. Sometimes I want to do it myself. I dont know what to do.