Another point to remember is how we as humans respond to small cues and conditioned responses. For example, if you have a habit of going to a busy bar and checking people out together, but then one night you go to the same place but want very focused attention from your partner, it's going to be tricky to switch up the associated behavior.
My wife and I (although not poly yet) both love people-watching. When we make plans to go out, we actually say "let's go to this busy coffee shop and sit outside and people watch", and we'll sit side-by-side and whisper comments about other people's outfits, or how that couple is obviously on a first date and not gelling, etc.
If she says she wants focused attention, we go for a walk alone, or someplace quiet, where there aren't as many distractions.
“But, especially in love, only counterfeit emotions exist nowadays. We have all been taught to mistrust everybody emotionally, from parents downwards, or upwards. Don’t trust anybody with your real emotions: if you’ve got any: that is the slogan of today. Trust them with your money, even, but never with your feelings. They are bound to trample on them.”