The safe sex business seems settled. Early this week I was in a sorry state, really torn up with feelings of betrayal and humiliation. Tuesday was a long day of cathartic confrontation (by Gmail IM, our principal means of communication! since we work opposite shifts), and I was feeling much better. But it's still a roller coaster, and there's a new complication -- more on that in a minute.
I realize this is not polyamory, as you folks practice it. But I suspect what's happening stems from the same impulse. Faithful to me for 22 years and with me since she was very young, she finds herself longing for something and someone besides me. Right or wrong, it's how she feels, and I suspect most people experience this phase. I know I have. And as we're entering middle age, we've both been run over by enough trucks -- deaths, economic struggle, aging -- that I can have some perspective on this. Is a strange piece of ass, a tingle with someone new, a little time in a world outside your own such a big deal? Go for it baby. I'm not unconfident that our relationship is the primary.
And while I feel a little guilty admitting it, freedom for her means freedom for me, too. She's all for it. It's just a shame I didn't get this freedom five or 10 years ago when I was feeling the way she does now. Frankly, I'm content with a satisfying sex life with her, especially if spiced up every now and then with things like our swing club outing tomorrow night. And, out of nowhere, she's undergoing a sexual awakening that suggests tomorrow's night out will be much different than our limp-dicked wallflower attempt two years ago.
The new complication: she's getting a little carried away. She already has another prospect -- and this is a guy who works for her same employer and, most worriesome, is in a decidedly non-open relationship. I am stunned that someone who's always been so sweet and so ethical could turn so cruel and uncaring. I told her she's running onto the same playing field as anyone who gets diveroced in their 40s or 50s -- most people are already coupled up. Satisfying her needs is one thing. A homewrecker? Not sure I can deal with that.
As always thank you for reading...