Originally Posted by Mark1npt
RP....sorry I'm a bit late to the discussion. Like you, I myself feel that I could not get by without my two wonderful women and our "V". They are the perfect compliment to eachother and my life. We all three benefit from eachother in some way everyday. Life wouldn't be the same for any of us, without the whole.
With regards to rediscovery, of my wife and how good it can be....I would say it seems to depend greatly on where she is, with regards to the "V" on any given day. Sometimes she admits she still feels badly/lonely on the nights I am with my OSO and not her....then there are other days where she's happily arranging mine/my OSO's schedule so she knows we'll have a great time that night whilst she's off to a chick flick by herself.
On those days she's troubled, I find it hard to be intimate with her because of guilt. On the good days, I love her all the more because she's so giving of her time and love to the "V". She desperately wants us all to be happy, even if it means there's times she's not completely with the program. Does that make sense?
Yes that makes sense. My husband, I think, is lonely sometimes when I am not at home but as we live together and not with Mono it is not very often. He seems to feel that way when life has been too busy for us to connect as much as we would like and then I go to Mono's house and it rubs it in a bit. Really its not much more than any couple feels when life is too busy sometimes to come together and just be.
It is also a personality thing too as my husband enjoys his private down time and often goes to bed early just to read and sleep early. Mono and I are similar in that we are night owls. Quite often we are up until 1 where as my husband will be in bed at 9. We are fortunate in that our schedules work well. Mono is off at 3 and I am with him by 3.30. We have until 5 when I pick up the boy. That is family time for me, the boy and the husband. We have until 8 when the boy goes to bed. After that I spend time with both men or one or the other, either physically, on-line or on the phone.
We have experienced that guilt you mention. For me also the stability of our "V" does depend on his happiness a great deal. It has helped that my husband keeps his thoughts to himself on that if its just a little bit for him. It has meant that he doesn't block the love I give him that way. When he is needy or lonely or wanting my attention I don't feel like I can be open or intimate in the way he requires. When he deals with some of that himself (within reason of course) by going out and doing something about it rather than putting it on me then I am all over him. I find that very appealing. Of course there are some times that he should be needy, I'm talking in generals here.
Hope that makes sense? I don't think any of that is unique to poly anyway. It's more about any relationship for me, poly or mono.